In response to growing concerns over rapidly moving clouds, government officials have released an official Cloud Safety Guide, urging citizens to remain cautious and prepared for atmospheric uncertainty.
“We understand that the public feels unsettled,” stated Meteorology Advisory Director Toru Hikawa. “To ease concerns, we have developed a comprehensive cloud safety protocol. By following these guidelines, citizens can continue their daily lives without unnecessary panic or sky-related paranoia.”
Cloud Safety Guidelines: What You Need to Know (abstract)
- Always carry protective eyewear – Clouds are moving faster than ever. Sudden shifts in light could cause temporary perception disturbances, such as believing reality itself is unstable.
- Never stare at clouds for too long – Prolonged observation may lead to existential questioning, cloud-tracking obsession, or unexpected feelings of insignificance.
- Avoid planning based on cloud formations – Those fluffy shapes? Lies. What once resembled a peaceful sheep might transform into an unsettling storm monster within minutes.
- Keep an emergency shelter nearby – Clouds could unexpectedly abandon the sky, causing unexpected sun exposure or atmospheric confusion. Be ready to retreat indoors at a moment’s notice.
- Watch for signs of Cloud Rebellion – If multiple clouds begin drifting in synchronized, unnatural patterns, report it to the Cloud Monitoring Authority immediately.
Warning: Do Not Engage with Suspicious Clouds
Government experts have identified irregular cloud behaviors that may pose risks to public order, including:
- Hyper-Speed Clouds – If a cloud appears to be accelerating beyond normal drift speed, do not attempt to outrun it. Accept fate and proceed with caution.
- Clouds Behaving as if Sentient – If a cloud repeatedly follows your movement, maintains eye contact, or refuses to dissipate, authorities must be notified.
- Skywide Cloud Conspiracy Patterns – If weather satellites detect unusual formations resembling coded messages, experts will investigate immediately. Citizens should avoid speculation.
Government Reassures Public: “Do Not Panic. Probably”
While the government has acknowledged unusual cloud activity, officials maintain that there is probably no immediate threat to public safety.
“We have no reason to believe clouds are actively rebelling against Earth’s current conditions,” reassured the spokesperson. “However, it is always wise to maintain caution. Should clouds suddenly disappear—or accelerate at alarming speeds—please follow your emergency cloud evacuation plan.”
Public Cloud Disturbance Hotline: Report Suspicious Activity
The government has officially launched a Cloud Monitoring Hotline, allowing citizens to report concerning cloud behavior.
Call 012-CloudWatch if you notice:
- Hyper-Speed Clouds – Clouds accelerating unnaturally.
- Sentient-Looking Formations – If a cloud appears to be watching you.
- Skywide Cloud Conspiracy Patterns – Unusual formations resembling coded messages or distress signals.
Important Advisory:
- False reports may result in a mandatory meteorology education program.
- Cloud-induced panic should be contained within personal social circles before escalating to official authorities.
Government officials remind citizens that “there is absolutely no reason to panic unless there actually is, in which case, we’ll let you know.”
