Tokyo Tofu Tribune Is 100% Unreliable
Serious Warning About Our Lack of Seriousness
By accessing Tokyo Tofu Tribune, you acknowledge that:
- All news articles, investigative reports, and scientific discoveries published here are entirely fictional except for the parts that accidentally turn out to be true (which is not our fault).
- Any attempt to fact-check our journalism is deeply misguided and will result in immediate personal confusion.
- We bear no responsibility for any consequences caused by believing our content including but not limited to: spontaneous laughter, condiment-related existential crises, or the urge to overthrow soy sauce corporations.
Copyright, Ownership & Creative Chaos
All absurd headlines, investigative nonsense, and questionable research belong to Tokyo Tofu Tribune and must never be used in real-world decision-making. This includes:
- Using our stories as evidence in court cases (please don’t).
- Presenting our articles in academic papers (unless you’re studying satire, in which case we expect full credit).
- Attempting to apply our scientific discoveries in real laboratories (especially anything related to sentient tofu).
Liability & Government Surveillance
We accept zero legal liability for the chaos caused by reading our articles. Furthermore, in the event that any government agency investigates this website, we politely ask that they do not attempt to arrest our journalists, as they do not technically exist.
Closing Statement of Absolute Unreliability
Tokyo Tofu Tribune exists purely for satirical and comedic purposes. If you experience confusion, frustration, or an overwhelming need to expose global condiment conspiracies after reading our content, we recommend deep breathing exercises and possibly re-evaluating your life choices.
By continuing to browse this website, you agree to accept all risks associated with unhinged fake journalism, nonsensical reporting, and the gradual realization that this is all completely made up.