Tokyo Tofu Tribune Is 100% Unreliable
Serious Warning About Our Lack of Seriousness
By accessing Tokyo Tofu Tribune, you acknowledge that:
- All news articles, investigative reports, and scientific discoveries published here are entirely fictional except for the parts that accidentally turn out to be true (which is not our fault).
- Any attempt to fact-check our journalism is deeply misguided and will result in immediate personal confusion.
- We bear no responsibility for any consequences caused by believing our content, including but not limited to: spontaneous laughter, condiment-related existential crises, or the urge to overthrow soy sauce corporations.
Copyright, Ownership & Creative Chaos
All absurd headlines, investigative nonsense, and questionable research belong to Tokyo Tofu Tribune and must never be used in real-world decision-making. This includes:
- Using our stories as evidence in court cases (please don’t).
- Presenting our articles in academic papers (unless you’re studying satire, in which case we expect full credit).
- Attempting to apply our scientific discoveries in real laboratories (especially anything related to sentient tofu).
Liability & Government Surveillance
We accept zero legal liability for the chaos caused by reading our articles. Furthermore, in the event that any government agency investigates this website, we politely ask that they do not attempt to arrest our journalists, as they do not technically exist.
Affiliate Links & Financial Nonsense
In the spirit of full transparency, and because our legal department (which also does not exist) insisted, we must inform you that some pages on Tokyo Tofu Tribune may contain affiliate links.
These links allow us to earn a small commission if you decide to sign up for a service or make a purchase, at absolutely no additional cost to you. This revenue is used exclusively for essential operational expenses such as:
- keeping our imaginary newsroom lights on
- feeding our non‑existent interns
- and maintaining the server that hosts this monument of tofu‑based misinformation
We solemnly swear that:
- Clicking these links will not summon government agents
- You will not be recruited into a condiment‑related cult
- And your device will not transform into sentient tofu (probably)
If you choose to use our affiliate links, thank you. You are directly supporting the continued production of unreliable journalism, questionable science, and whatever else this publication claims to be doing.
Closing Statement of Absolute Unreliability
Tokyo Tofu Tribune exists purely for satirical and comedic purposes. If you experience confusion, frustration, or an overwhelming need to expose global condiment conspiracies after reading our content, we recommend deep breathing exercises and possibly re-evaluating your life choices.
By continuing to browse this website, you agree to accept all risks associated with unhinged fake journalism, nonsensical reporting, and the gradual realization that this is all completely made up.