1. Introduction
Welcome to Tokyo Tofu Tribune, a satirical news platform committed to delivering unreliable yet entertaining journalism. This Privacy Policy outlines how we collect, use, and protect your data when you visit our website or subscribe to our newsletter.
2. What Information We Collect
We collect the following information:
- Email addresses. If you subscribe to our newsletter, we store your email to send absurdly questionable headlines straight to your inbox.
- Site usage data. Anonymous analytics may track how many people read our latest nonsense.
- Cookies. We use cookies to improve your experience. Sadly, not the edible kind.
3. How We Use Your Information
We solemnly swear to use your information responsibly (and never to fabricate personal data for fictional stories). Specifically, we may:
- Send hilarious newsletters packed with fake news.
- Improve site functionality (so you can enjoy chaos more efficiently).
- Analyze engagement to ensure our satire empire thrives.
4. Sharing Your Data
We never sell your personal information. However, if a major tofu corporation offers an absurdly high price, we may reconsider. (Just kidding. Your data stays safe.)
5. Your Rights
You have full control over your information. You can:
- Unsubscribe anytime if you decide satirical news isn’t for you.
- Request deletion of your data (though, sadly, we can’t erase regrettable life choices).
- Disable cookies if you prefer tracking-free browsing.
6. Security Measures
We take security seriously, using modern encryption to protect subscriber data. If hackers ever target us, we hope they’re here for our headlines, not your email address.
7. Changes to This Policy
We may update this Privacy Policy if laws change, or if we discover a cooler way to phrase it. Any updates will be posted here because transparency is key.
8. Contact Us
Questions? Concerns? Existential crises? Reach out at info@tokyotofutribune.com. No guarantees we’ll have good answers but we will at least pretend to know what we’re talking about.