Meet the Tokyo Tofu Tribune Team
Annie Kawasaki
Editor-in-Chief & Senior Investigator of Highly Unnecessary Scandals
With a storied career in questionable journalism, Annie has spent years exposing the truth behind minor inconveniences, reporting on soy sauce conspiracies, sushi-related political conflicts, and tofu uprisings that never actually happened.
Before founding Tokyo Tofu Tribune, Annie briefly worked as a war correspondent, covering Japan’s infamous food court tray-return policy debates, and later transitioned into culinary investigative reporting where they once spent 18 months tracking down the exact first bowl of ramen ever served in Tokyo (results still inconclusive).
Annie now leads the Tribune’s team of satirical journalists, ensuring that absolutely no real news ever gets published.
Kenji Takayama
Chief Conspiracy Analyst & Senior Soy Sauce Shrinkage Reporter
Kenji first entered investigative journalism when he single-handedly uncovered the shocking truth that vending machines dispense beverages that are mysteriously 0.2 degrees colder than advertised.
His expertise in condiment shrinkflation, questionable grocery store pricing tactics, and underground miso trading has earned him multiple imaginary awards, including the Golden Wasabi Prize for Excellence in Unhinged Research.
Kenji is currently leading the Tribune’s ongoing investigation into why chopsticks are never perfectly symmetrical.
Yuki Morita
Science & Technology Correspondent for Useless Discoveries
Yuki has dedicated their career to reporting on groundbreaking yet entirely irrelevant scientific advancements. In 2023, they led an international study on whether phone screens secretly judge their users, and later wrote a controversial exposé on how clouds might actually be moving faster to escape human stupidity.
Before joining Tokyo Tofu Tribune, Yuki worked at a major tech magazine, where they got fired after publishing a report claiming WiFi signals carry emotional energy and sometimes “just don’t feel like working.”
They now specialize in explaining scientific nonsense, including the recent finding that talking to plants does make them grow faster, especially when gossip is involved.
Hiroshi Tsuzuki
Political & Social Chaos Correspondent
Hiroshi is widely considered Japan’s leading expert on wildly exaggerated social phenomena, having once interviewed 347 commuters on whether escalators have been moving 2% slower per year.
Before joining the Tribune, Hiroshi briefly worked in government communications, where he accidentally leaked a report confirming that pigeons do, in fact, work for the government.
His latest investigative series includes an exposé on why Tokyo train station announcements sound increasingly dramatic, as well as an in-depth study on whether karaoke machines secretly adjust scores based on personality type.
Mei Sakamoto
Head of Fake Breaking News & Emergency Satire Alerts
Mei has been on the frontlines of absurd journalism for years, reporting on newsworthy events that should never have been considered news.
She first rose to fame after breaking the explosive story on why restaurant menus always list the exact calorie count for tea (even though it’s just hot water).
Mei now heads the Tribune’s breaking news division, ensuring readers stay updated on critical developments like government officials debating whether tables should have mandatory armrests.
Anonymous Staff Writer
Special Correspondent, Ministry Access Division Affiliation: Tokyo Tofu Tribune (unofficially tolerated)
This unnamed correspondent is the only known journalist granted semi-permanent access to the Ministry of Sanitation and Order and its subordinate agency, the Public Cleanliness Bureau. Their credentials are valid, though no one recalls issuing them.
Despite being affiliated with what one official described as “a suspicious tofu-themed outlet,” the correspondent continues to appear at press briefings, late-night operations, and internal KPI reviews without explanation.
They are known for their calm demeanor, cryptic notebooks, and tendency to ask questions like, “What color is too clean?” or “Do mop duties dream of recognition?”
Known aliases: “The One with the Clipboard,” “That Reporter Again,” “M-san”
Keeping Fake Journalism Alive
At Tokyo Tofu Tribune, we believe that absurdity deserves the same investigative rigor as reality. Whether it’s uncovering soy sauce conspiracies, interviewing sentient broccoli, or breaking the latest scientific scandals, our newsroom remains committed to reporting news that absolutely nobody asked for.
If you ever find yourself questioning the world, just remember: We’re here to provide answers. They may not be real, but they’ll definitely be entertaining.