1. Introduction
Welcome to Tokyo Tofu Tribune, the world’s most trustworthy-untrustworthy source for satirical news. By accessing this website, you agree to follow our Terms of Service, even if you question reality by the end of reading.
2. Content Disclaimer
All articles published here are 100% satire. Nothing should be taken seriously (except maybe the exceptional quality of our writing).
We do not provide real news, facts, or serious journalism. If you mistake our headlines for reality, we strongly encourage re-evaluating your life choices.
Any resemblance to real people, events, or policies is purely coincidental or a cosmic joke we didn’t intend.
3. Acceptable Use
By using our website, you agree to:
- Enjoy satire responsibly. Laugh, share, and have fun.
- Not sue us for emotional distress caused by realizing some headlines might be accidentally true.
- Refrain from unauthorized data scraping or copying our articles to trick people into believing fake news is real.
4. Intellectual Property
All content (articles, images, and absurd opinions) belongs to Tokyo Tofu Tribune unless otherwise stated, meaning you can’t copy, distribute, or use our work without proper credit.
If you steal our headlines, we may not take legal action, but we may write a satirical piece exposing your lack of originality.
5. Third-Party Links & Ads
We may occasionally feature links to external sites. We are not responsible if clicking one leads you to a conspiracy theory forum or a deep-dive into the mysteries of tofu.
Any advertisements should not be considered endorsements unless they involve a good cup of coffee or questionable life advice.
6. Limitation of Liability
We are not responsible for any existential crises triggered by our satire. If reading our articles causes laughter-induced choking, we recommend sipping water immediately.
If you lose faith in real journalism after reading our work, that’s on you, not us.
7. Changes to These Terms
We may update these Terms of Service whenever we feel like it, especially if we find new ways to improve our satirical nonsense.
If changes occur, we’ll post them here and politely inform you in an excessively dramatic fashion.
8. Contact Us
If you have complaints, concerns, or wish to praise our ridiculous content, email us at info@tokyotofutribune.com. We will respond thoughtfully or with a satirical headline suggestion based on your inquiry.