This is a fake app landing page. Inner peace not included.
Finally, a Mindfulness App That Understands Your Anxiety. And Monetizes It Gently.
Nowish™ delivers curated calm directly to your device, so you can stop thinking about your thoughts and start paying for their management.
I used to spiral. Now I spiral with intention.
Verified User, Level 3 Serenity
Choose Your Path to Peace
Basic Blur
Free
3 guided silences,
1 passive-aggressive reminder
Mindful Clarity
¥2,400/month
Full access to Stillness Library™,
5 ambient gongs,
1 monthly guilt cleanse
Transcend+
¥5,800/month*
Personalized mantras,
Daily affirmations,
A digital monk who texts you at 3am
*Include tote bag, but it may be emotionally unavailable.
Features You Didn’t Ask For
Push Notifications That Whisper
“You haven’t centered yourself today.”
Mood-Responsive UI
App turns beige when you’re overwhelmed.
Emergency Calm Now™ Button
May or may not work.
Stillness Leaderboard
Compete with friends for who’s most detached.
Testimonials from the Edge of Enlightenment
I finally achieved inner peace, right after I canceled my subscription.
Nori, 29,
former over-breather
The app told me to ‘breathe like no one’s watching.’ I was in a meeting.
Kayoko, 34,
emotionally buffering
Ready to Begin Your Premium Spiral?
Start your 7-day free trial today.
No credit card required. Just your willingness to be gently judged by a digital monk.
Disclaimer: Nowish™ is a fictional product created for satirical purposes. Any resemblance to real apps, living or defunct, is purely coincidental and mildly concerning.